The Inside Work of Accountability
(Originally published by the B-Eye-Network) by Maureen Clarry
Unraveling the connection between control, safety, and success is essential to discovering what is possible for us and our workplace.
“It’s hard to know who is the greater fool, the one who makes a promise of safety, or the one who believes it.” ….Peter Block
Susan wanted the business intelligence (BI) department she managed to become more entrepreneurial and take more initiative. Their business was facing increased competition and an uncertain future. The results of their business intelligence initiative were key to the company’s success. In a team meeting, the discussion centered on the things Susan and her team needed to change to accomplish those goals.
The business climate was chaotic, and the team wanted assurance that Susan would take care of them, that she would continue to be responsible for their careers, look for their next opportunity, coach them on what they needed to do to move ahead, etc. Given the uncertainty of the business future, they wanted confirmation of safety.
Susan wanted their commitment to meet the goals. She also wanted their loyalty and for them to take personal responsibility for the department. She said to the team, “I am not responsible for your career. I am not busy finding opportunities for you. Your jobs were created to impact the business, not as career opportunities. The best I can promise is to give you honest information and support you in creating your future.” The reaction from many of the team members was immediate: “What a terrible manager! We need direction and leadership and stability. Priorities keep changing and this isn’t what we signed up for!” Without saying the exact words, the message was clear: Don’t count on my commitment.
This is a critical juncture for Susan and each team member. If she backs off and starts to bargain for the commitment, it’s back to square one. Commitment, ownership, and responsibility cannot be bought. Entrepreneurial cultures cannot be created by offering safety. Her response? “Even though I want it and I will miss it, I will survive without your loyalty. What you need to decide is whether you can commit to what this department needs to accomplish given the uncertainty of the future. It’s your choice.”
No one is particularly comfortable with this conversation. Entitlement thrives on the expectation that other people should satisfy our need for safety, self-esteem, and freedom. If we say “no,” there is a wave of blame and disappointment that washes over us. Articulating the unstated emotional wants exposed them; it did not create them. Expressing our wants gives us choice. Denying our wants allows them to surface in unconscious ways. Of the 10 members of the team, 3 stayed, 4 left, and 3 are still deciding.
As we contemplate our personal career strategy and next steps, we also think about how to deal with the people around us to build support for our plans and the processes. The starting point, as with all change, is to get clear within ourselves. The core of this internal work is to sort through the way we relate to those people who have power over us and those people whom we have power over. More directly, how do we resolve our desire for dependency and for dominance?
Dependency is the belief that my safety, my self-esteem, and my freedom are in the hands of other people. When we go to work, we look to our bosses and others “above” us and hand them the power to determine how valued we are, how secure we can be, and how much freedom we have. Dependency has an opposite side, and that is the wish for dominance. Dominance fulfills our wish to be in control, and it is also a choice. Dominance can take many forms from being the strong leader to the omniscient boss. The difficult reality is that each one of us has a deep ambivalence about how much freedom we really want to claim and how much control we want to surrender. Identifying our wish for dependency and dominance is the first step of the inside work of accountability. There are not dependent people and dominant people. Rather, there is a dependent and dominant part of each of us.
We have bosses and we have subordinates. As humans, we all have issues around power and control. These issues, which are often not reflected upon, give rise to a number of “emotional wants.” These are not necessarily rational thoughts.
Some unstated, maybe even unconscious, expectations of a subordinate toward a boss might include:
- I want to be your favorite employee.
- Ask my advice before you do anything that impacts me or my work.
- Make me your confidante.
- Make my advancement your personal responsibility.
- See my weaknesses as charming or as an opportunity for you to fix me.
- Leave me alone…except when I am in trouble, and then rescue me.
- Protect me from powerful foes; run interference for me.
Some examples of unstated, maybe even unconscious, expectations of a boss toward a subordinate might include:
- Be grateful for the opportunity to work for me and learn from me.
- Value me more than any boss you have ever had.
- Know what I need and want without my having to ask.
- Accept my controlling behavior as timely and helpful.
- Don’t bother me with problems.
- Come to me only with solutions and successes.
- Even though I occasionally embarrass you in front of peers, consider me your friend.
Take a moment to reflect on these expectations:
- What is your reaction to these unstated expectations?
- Can you see yourself in any of these?
- Do you have any to add?
As a boss, how do you feel about these unexpressed emotional wants/expectations being projected onto you? Do these feel reasonable? What is the psychological payoff of our unstated expectations - what do we hope to gain? Again, is this reasonable?
As a subordinate, what are the underlying needs we are trying to have met through our boss? Is this a reasonable expectation? What is the psychological payoff of our unstated expectations - what do we hope to gain? Is it reasonable?
In any change effort, the hardest change is the inside work. Unraveling the connection between control, safety, and success is essential to discovering what is possible for us and our workplace. It is tough work for those of us who have chosen safety all our lives to be launched into such an adventure. We have intense discussions and focus on structure, roles, responsibilities, pay systems, self-management strategies, and quality management. These efforts are essential, but insufficient. If there is not transformation inside each of us, all the structural change in the world will not impact our organizations.
In the early 1990s, before I started CONNECT, I had the privilege to work at General Electric. My client list included many big companies with big turmoil. I knew lots of people who had placed their fate in the hands of their Fortune 50 employer. They expected safety, life-long employment, and job security. They were shocked when their jobs of 20+ years abruptly ended. They were disappointed, hurt, angry, and puzzled. I felt sorry for them, but observed a powerful lesson. They chose to place the responsibility for their personal and career security on their boss or the company. They blamed their boss or the company when their jobs ended. They chose not to own their career, their investment in themselves, or to proactively manage their future options. Jack Welch had a saying that still sticks with me today: “Control your own destiny or someone else will.”
Many people look for “greener grass”…the perfect job, the manager that offers the patriarchal contract, the place where others provide safety and security. In doing so, they miss the opportunity to choose freedom, pursue their purpose, and control their own destiny.
Maureen Clarry is the Founder and President/CEO of CONNECT: The Knowledge Network (CONNECT), a consulting firm that specializes in helping IT people and organizations to achieve their strategic potential in business. CONNECT was recognized as the 2000 South Metro Denver Small Business of the Year and has been listed in the Top 25 Women-Owned Businesses and the Top 150 Privately Owned Businesses in Colorado. Maureen also participates on the Data Warehousing Advisory Board for The Daniels College of Business at the University of Denver and was recognized by the Denver Business Journal as one of Denver’s Top Women Business Leaders in 2004. She has been on the faculty of The Data Warehousing Institute since 1997, has spoken at numerous other seminars, and has published several articles and white papers. Maureen regularly consults and teaches on organizational and leadership issues related to information technology, business intelligence and business.